How long has it been?
I have rather active days at work. Even working just a few hours a day is exhausting. That's going to change in the next couple of weeks. I'll be working more hours each day and have to go in earlier in the morning. This means more money per month to go toward bills and other necessities.
I've been keeping close track of my spending the past couple of months. The amount of money I spend eating out is outlandish. I could buy a month's worth of groceries...at the very least...with that amount of money. I haven't added it all up, but the entries I have in my Quicken cash account are many. I should cook more, but I have no ambition to do so for just myself. The one good thing about Dave was that he cooked. That was his only redeeming quality.
I shudder to think that had he and I gotten married I would have been married for a year by now. Utterly frightening. I haven't seen him (although I did hear from him occasionally) for almost a year.
Last month (Aug 30) I went to University of Michigan Medical School to present my annual "patient's view" regarding my genetic testing. This is Year 6, Presentation 7. One year I did two presentations. I was solo this year. Both Mom and Vick had to work. I did miss them and hearing their views again this year. On the flip side, it was rather nice to share just my story and to have more time for Q and A. The students were razor sharp. There were questions streching from my opinion on assisted suicide to my greatest fear. The first student to ask a question was polite enough to share her name before asking her question. The other students follow suit. I don't remember names, but I remember feeling really satisfied by being able to answer them completely and honestly.
I got laughs and sighs. All in the right places, and sometimes in unexpected places. It was a fabulous time. Liz and Wendy said (and I concur) that it was the best presentation save for the very first one. It was so fresh and new the first time...I don't think I'll ever get another standing ovation. There's always next year to shoot for though. I'm very glad that I was coherent and healthy this year. The last two years I had been going through so much with the drinking and Dave and other stuff.
Now that I'm sober and taking my medication regularly I'm in a much more level frame of mind. The good news is that my moods have evened out. The bad news is that I have absolutely no sex drive. Whatsoever. This, as they say, is a tragedy. Although, to be perfectly honest, I haven't missed it.
I was looking through Mom's 2003 scrapbook. The Year 2003, not the number of scrapbooks. That's the last good year that I had. I did "Dearly Departed" on stage, I met Mike, I was losing weight, I got a part time j ob at Kohl's and was basically happy. The Paxil helped, too.
2004 and 2005 sucked. The only high points were my inherentance and vacation. Not to mention starting AA. Not that it's really an after thought. It really was the best decision I made. That and breaking up with Dave. Which I wouldn't have had the courage to do had it not been for the support of my AA fellows.
2006 has been a great year so far. Collectively, I've been sober for nine months. Although they haven't been consecutive. A week here and there. Although I've been sober (this time) for 73 days. That's an eternity for anyone who has this hideous disease. Because I still think about it every day. Something will remind me or I'll just have a random thought. It's just getting though each day by itself. One day at a time. It's the truth.
My goal is to post more often.
Until next time...
Current Mood: complacent